May 3, 2010 issue
Joke's on me
By Jim BishopPage:
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My friends call me Moses, because every time I open my mouth, the bull rushes. Permit me to finish this manna sandwich (fifth time this week) and demonstrate.
Jim Bishop is public information officer at Eastern Mennonite University in Harrisonburg, Va.
What did Moses say when he approached the Red Sea? “Hmm, which side shall I part it on?”
Who was the world’s first and wisest financier? Noah, because he floated stock while the rest of the world was in liquidation. Did he keep the bees in the ark-hives?
First church member: “The sermon reminded me of the peace of God. It passed all understanding.”
Second member: “It reminded me of the mercies of God. I thought it would endure forever.”
Which prompts me to ask: When ministers rehearse their sermon, are they practicing what they preach?
Menno: “What did the pastor preach about last Sunday?”
Jimbo: “He didn’t say.”
The pastor was concerned about several bats that had made their home in the church steeple and frequently invaded the sanctuary. “How do we get rid of them?” he asked the sexton (one who minds his keys and pews). “No problem,” he replied. “Just capture and baptize them and they’ll never darken the church doors again.
Which segues nicely into this story: Johnny’s mother looked out the window and noticed him “playing church” with their cat. The cat sat quietly as he preached to it. She smiled and went about her work. A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water. She called out, “Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!” Johnny looked up at her and said, “He should have thought about that before he joined my church.”
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