DownloadAug. 2 issue
A bigger family
By Bradley SiebertPage:
- 1
- 2
According to cliché, for loving fathers of the bride, weddings are bittersweet. In bad sentimental dramas, they’re consoled: “You’re not losing a daughter; you’re gaining a son.”
Bradley Siebert teaches English at Washburn University in Topeka, Kan.
Aimee’s wedding, certainly, was intensely emotional, and I was often near or in tears. But I felt nothing bitter among the sweet — certainly not regarding Michael, her groom, now husband. We gathered to formalize change, but we’d all been changing in this direction for some time. So we were well adjusted and, instead, pitched to celebrate.
So while being cliché usually galls me, this time, I gladly confess to being more than cliché. “Gain” is not my consolation; it’s happy fact — a fact extending through and beyond Michael.
As part of the ceremony, Aimee and Michael requested parental blessings from each of us: Tim, Carolyn, Kay and me. Despite the prospect of a weepy breakdown, we joyfully consented and not-too-sloppily obliged.
A common theme was how our “in-laws” had already become “family” — but not just Aimee and Michael, respectively.
At one point, I thanked Aimee “for loving Michael and expanding our [Kay’s and my] circle of love to include Michael, but also Tim, Carolyn, Andrew, Rachel, Sam [Rachel’s husband], and the rest” — referring to Michael’s immediate and extended family. Tim and Carolyn had said something similar regarding Aimee and us.
I later said, “As you [Aimee and Michael] have grown dearer to each other, Michael, you have grown dearer to us.” Kay commented on how they were “starting a new family.”
As I’ve reflected on such things, meanings have converged, and new ones, emerged: They’ve more than wed each other; they’ve wed us to each of them and to each other.
I’ve more than gained a son; I’ve gained family. I care for those who care for Michael — and those who care for them — and so on. They now extend my family. Insofar as their joys and sorrows affect Michael and Aimee, their interests in Michael and his in them interest me through Aimee, of course. But I can’t help caring about them directly too.
It’s convoluted, but I feel enlarged, more fully and intensely human. Aimee and Michael’s wedding became “our” wedding, and I can’t quite see where “we” ends.
Page:
- 1
- 2
Comment on the article A bigger family
The purpose of comments is to engage in dialogue. We expect commenters to treat authors and each other as each would want to be treated. Respectful criticism is welcomed; offensive comments or parts of comments will be removed by the site administrator. Name and comment will be posted; email address is for follow-up only and will not be made public.
Download a free PDF showing the populations of
Mennonite groups and other Anabaptists.
